I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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