You can't motorboat a personality
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
