They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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