you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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