We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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