holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
