I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
