Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
