Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
