i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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