oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
