apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
