I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
