Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
