just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
