Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
