I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It's just like the Real World with babies
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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