You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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