he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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