youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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