how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
