I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
