In the future we'll all be gay
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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