So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I could fuck to npr.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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