Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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