it was like his penis was on wheels.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
sarcasm needs its own font
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
