So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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