I only kidnapped one of them. chill
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
