the condom got lost in my hair
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
