Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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