Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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