my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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