My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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