oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he thought i was a dude.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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