Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
