haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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