I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
