is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
