This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
