The maid of honor just puked.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
