Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
