if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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