I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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