It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
