clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
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