Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
