Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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