What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
