peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
