apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
