Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
