So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
