He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize