her vagine was all disorganized.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
