so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
