Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
