My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
