Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
