I wish i was in the wii world.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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