oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
