Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
