I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
