a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
