____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
