I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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